This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
