just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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