I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
