Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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