Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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