how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
