Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
