i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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