They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
