we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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