therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
