I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
