U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
