We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
