I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
