Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
