It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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