she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
