We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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