I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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