i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
