Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
