She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
