I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
