a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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