just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
