you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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