when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
