i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
