I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
