hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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