pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
