you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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