8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bring me that man meat
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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