There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
