you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
