I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
