dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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