Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
