"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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