Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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