if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
