He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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