She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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