I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
