here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
