Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
