she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i came on her dog
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
