Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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