How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
