She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
