we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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