Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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