atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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