Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
